


The Third Life of Richard Campbell Gansey III

by justdk



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Holidays, Loneliness, Multi, Polyamory, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28038699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdk/pseuds/justdk
Summary: Gansey wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. He remembered waking up and eating half a cold Pop-Tart while standing at the window. Henrietta was stripped bare – naked tree branches revealing the less aesthetic elements of the town. Gansey had stared at the dead weeds in the gravel lot, at his lonely Camaro. His heart ached so badly that he had to lie down and then he hadn’t seen the point in getting up.They all leave you he thought, his heart too numb to be pierced by bitterness. You shouldn’t be surprised. This is how it was always going to end.[or: Gansey reaches a low point and Blue and Henry come to comfort him]
Relationships: Henry Cheng/Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	The Third Life of Richard Campbell Gansey III

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in my feels over Gansey imagining his headspace at this time of year without his best friend and his quest and Noah *cries*

Gansey wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. He remembered waking up and eating half a cold Pop-Tart while standing at the window. Henrietta was stripped bare – naked tree branches revealing the less aesthetic elements of the town. Gansey had stared at the dead weeds in the gravel lot, at his lonely Camaro. His heart ached so badly that he had to lie down and then he hadn’t seen the point in getting up.

_They all leave you_ he thought, his heart too numb to be pierced by bitterness. _You shouldn’t be surprised. This is how it was always going to end_.

Ronan’s empty room was nagging like a wound that wouldn’t heal. Gansey had gone in last night, standing in the dark room wishing so desperately that Ronan would come back.

_Why would he?_ Gansey thought. _You were only second place in his heart. You always knew he would go back home the first chance he got_.

The other room was even emptier, remote and echoing. Gansey touched the door and pined for someone who had never even been there. He couldn’t even think about it, it hurt too much.

There was no sleeping king waiting for him, no quest to consume his anxious thoughts. He couldn’t bury his feelings of inadequacy in research. His much-loved journal lay neglected under a layer of dust, along with his obscure academic texts and magazines. What was the point?

He’d managed to get through the rest of the term but it hadn’t felt real. Only Adam’s steady presence and Henry’s effusive friendship kept him on task.

But now they were on holiday break. Ronan was gone, Adam with him. Gansey couldn’t bear to go home and pretend.

There was no routine to anchor Gansey to the present so instead he drifted. His mind replayed the most disturbing moments from the past year – the year he wasn’t supposed to survive. And really, when you got down to it, he hadn’t. He’d died after all. Again. He was only sucking in air thanks to the sacrifice of a beautiful and sentient forest, a place that was so purely magical that it had always made Gansey feel awed, worshipful.

He wasn’t worth the sacrifice. He was just a boy.

On some level he knew that he was spiraling, that he was forgetting the good things, but the loneliness was so crushing that he couldn’t surface. He was sinking deeper into the depths, being squeezed and contorted by the pressure.

\----- 

Someone was knocking on the door. Someone was shouting.

Gansey thought about getting up but found that he couldn’t. Oh well. They would go away eventually.

“Hold on, I remember this trick,” one of the voices said. The words were muffled by the door but Gansey thought he recognized the voice.

The door shuddered before bursting open. The lights flicked on and Gansey moaned, shutting his eyes against the glare.

“He lives!”

Footsteps hurried over and then the bed dipped on both sides of him and cold hands touched him – his forehead, his cheek, his neck.

“Come on, Gansey boy.” Henry’s voice was warm and kind. “Let’s get you up.”

“Enough sulking,” Blue said briskly, though her voice was strained.

Gansey opened his eyes, blinking hard against the light and the stinging of tears.

“Are you real?” he asked. He tried to sit up but his head swam, the world tilting so much that he thought he might be sick.

Henry’s laugh was shaky. “Yes, we’re real, Gansey.”

He took Gansey’s limp hand in his and chafed at it until some feeling returned. A bee fluttered behind Henry’s ear and Gansey flinched before he remembered that it wasn’t a real bee. Just like he wasn’t a real boy, not anymore.

“Hey, don’t cry.” Henry’s thumbs brushed under his eyes, wiping away hot tears. “Don’t cry.”

Blue settled down beside him, her small body pressed along his, and wrapped her arms around his unresisting left arm. Her short, spiky hair tickled under his chin. One of her hands pressed against his chest, over his heart.

“Feel that?” she asked, voice low. “Still beating away, same as always.”

_No, not as always._ There had been two significant moments when it had stopped – first from a thousand kisses of bee stings and then from one sweet, brief kiss from Blue’s lips.

Gansey inhaled, intending to say something, but his breath caught and his lower lip trembled. His chest was too tight and everything _hurt_. He bit down on his lip and shook, silent sobs wracking him.

_Hell._ It was all unraveling and he couldn’t keep it together anymore.

Henry lay down beside him and gathered him close until Gansey was surrounded by warm bodies, held and comforted.

“It’s okay.” Blue tilted her face, her mouth angled away from his skin, her soft cheek against his. Her words were warm against his ear. “Shhh, shhh, shhh.”

She brushed her fingers through his hair, her small fingers meeting Henry’s larger ones, both of them petting him.

Henry’s soft lips grazed his temple.

“We’re with you,” Henry murmured. His arm was warm and heavy over Gansey’s stomach. Henry’s fingers hooked through Gansey’s belt loop like he needed to anchor them together.

Gansey swallowed hard. His throat felt swollen and painful. Hot tears continued to spill down his face. _When had he last cried like this?_

“S-sorry.” Gansey could barely get the word past his chattering teeth. It was so cold. When had it become so cold?

“No sorrys,” Blue said firmly. “If anything, _we’re_ sorry, sorry it took us so long.”

“Remember?” Henry whispered, his lips against the shell of Gansey’s ear. “Remember when we were underground and we trusted each other? Trust me again. Trust both of us to guide you out.”

Gansey tried. He struggled to breathe evenly, to push the choking pain away, to fight through the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped in his skin, in his mind.

“Visualize a golden ball of light,” Blue prompted. “See it floating in front of your chest. Feel its heat.” She rubbed her palm over Gansey’s chest. “Now breathe in through your nose, pull that light into you. Slowly let it fill you up and hold it for a moment. You’re light and warm and safe.” Her voice was even, soothing, a voice he had become achingly familiar with during their late-night phone calls. “Now let the light go. Feel it moving through you, out of your lungs, up your throat, into your mouth.” Soft fingertips touched his lower lip, gently pulling until he stopped biting down and let go. “Let the light out through your lips,” Blue breathed, her exhale warm on his lips. 

Gansey breathed with her, repeating the exercise again and again until it became routine. His heart slowed, his tears dried. He opened his eyes.

“There he is.” Henry’s smile was as bright and beautiful as the sun. He cupped Gansey’s cheek and gently pressing their foreheads together. “Welcome back, sailor.”

Gansey smiled. It was wobbly and uncertain but real.

“You look like hell,” Blue said. She wiped blood from Gansey’s lower lip before covering his mouth with her palm and kissing the back of her own hand.

Gansey blushed, blinking rapidly.

“Oh ho!” Henry teased. “Blue earns a blush and I don’t? I see how it is!”

“Well maybe if you kissed him, too, you’d make Gansey blush,” Blue retorted.

Gansey looked at Henry, his eyes wide and expectant.

“Hmm.” Henry looked from Blue to Gansey, his eyes alight, his smile teasing. “You think so?”

Gansey was already blushing before Henry’s lips met his. The kiss was gentle, little more than a brush of lips, and deeply tender.

_I’m kissing Henry_ Gansey thought, shocked and delighted at the same time. _Henry’s kissing me_.

Blue snuggled in closer and it felt so _right_. It felt like they were a puzzle that was finally complete.

“We’re staying here,” Blue said. “We won’t leave you alone.”

“But…” Gansey didn’t know why he was protesting. Habit? “Your families?”

“I’m not anxious to return to the snowy north,” Henry said with a shudder. “I’d much rather be here with you and Blue. We’ll eat popcorn and drink cider and watch old Christmas movies.”

Blue nodded. “My house is too crowded right now anyway. All those aunts and cousins coming for solstice.” She tightened her hold around Gansey and Henry. “Besides, this bed is big enough for the three of us.”

“Plenty big,” Henry agreed, grinning widely.

“Oh.” Gansey felt a thrill of expectation rush through him. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

“Then it’s settled.” Blue squeezed his hand. “Let the Christmas occupation begin!”

What followed was a fortnight of movie marathons, dance parties, carol singing, warm drinks, pizzas, cuddle piles, kisses, and confessions. Gansey came out the other side feeling firmly anchored in his third life with his two people. As the psychics said, three was best.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @dkafterdark


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